Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
What possesses we humans with the need to continuously shorten our language. LOL, OMG, and others were created primarily because of Twitter and other social networks. 140 characters leave very little space for actual coherent thoughts. I’d like to take you back a few years to when this craziness really got rolling. STAT and ASAP are two oldies I learned during hospital visits to see my mother at age 10 or 12 and here are a few more.
The list is endless but this countries businesses are as responsible for many of the more ridiculous acronyms as anyone. You have KISS, UNIVAC, NABISCO, NECCO, WYSIWYG, and MS-DOS just to name a few. Do you know what they all mean? I’ll just bet you don’t.
Never let it be said that the government didn’t help the cause. They’re the worst especially in the armed services. DEFCON, NORAD, ZIP code, OSHA, NATO, RADAR, SCUBA, SCUD, WAC, AWOL, SAC, SEALS, and literally thousands of others. Anyone whose ever had the opportunity to speak to someone who works in the Pentagon needs an accomplished translator who is trained in Gov-Speak. SALT, SNAFU, SONAR, AWACS, TNT, and the endless list continues.
You could work for HUD but not before they check your SSN, DOB, and GPA. On your off time you could join NOW, UNESCO, UNICEF, or get bogged down with other WOMBAT stuff.
Take a flight, OVER, OUT, ROGER, and WILCO. Get sick and be subjected to an MRI or EKG. You could end up in the ER or ICU for more serious matters.
You can make yourself crazy just trying to keep up with the ever changing acronyms. I guess this society is in such a hurry to do everything we don’t have time to say any more complete words than necessary. Before you know it we won’t have a language anymore, we’ll just communicate with nothing but acronyms. That will be a very sad day. George Orwell was a few years behind the times in many of his predictions in 1984 but some still ring true today.
Here are a few more for your edification: DNA, RNA, DOA, ETA, EST, INTERPOL, NIMBY, NASA, SONAR, TASER, LASER, and even CANOLA oil. TV, DVD, DOA, and OMFG. I’ve got to stop this foolishness immediately, it’s making me crazier than usual. I’ll be happy to supply a list tomorrow of the acronyms used in this posting and we’ll see just how many you know or think you know.
“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” Charles Darwin
I know a lot of you folks are already gearing up for the holidays. The month of November begins the insanity that is Thanksgiving, Christmas, and then New Years. For me I find Veterans Day to be more important than the others. I assume that most vets feel the same way. I don’t like making a big deal out of it on this blog because for me it’s more of a private and solemn occasion. I’ll thank any vet who has served this country and I honor those who gave their lives in it’s defense. That’s all you’ll hear today from me. I see no need for patriotic songs and fancy memorials. Just a quiet minute and a bowed head and I’m good.
I expect that everyone is already being bombarded by that good old Christmas spirit since most retailers filled their shelves with Christmas cheer before Halloween. I find that unfortunate but not unexpected. I suppose it’s just a matter of time before they start pushing Christmas sometime in August. Spend, Spend, Spend! That’s becoming an almost religious mantra in this country and I don’t see it stopping anytime soon.
I made a quick review of some national observances for the month of November and it’s mind boggling. Who knew this month was so damn important. It’s also mind boggling just how much time our well paid and self-involved representatives have wasted having these observances enacted. This list is only the monthly observances. There are an additional 28 weekly and 128 daily observances I didn’t bother listing. If we truly trust in our legislators to do the right thing then we should be celebrating each and every one of them. So folks, in the future we should all take November off and party like the fools that we are. Find an observance you like and then celebrate it.
Adopt A Senior Pet Month Link
American & National Diabetes Month
American Indian Heritage Month Link (See also August)
Aviation History Month
Banana Pudding Lovers Month
Diabetic Eye Disease Month
Epilepsy Awareness Month Link
Family Stories Month Link
Gluten-Free Diet Awareness Month
Greens and Plantains Month Link
Historic Bridge Awareness Month Link
International Drum (Percussion) Month Link
Lung Cancer Awareness Month
Manatee Awareness Month Link
MADD’s Tie One On For Safety Holiday Campaign (11/16-12/31)
Military Family Appreciation Month Link
National Adoption Month
National PPSI AIDS Awareness Month
National Alzheimer’s Disease Month
National COPD Month Link
National Family Caregivers Month Link
National Georgia Pecan Month
National Home Care & Hospice Month Link
National Impotency Month Link
National Inspirational Role Models Month
National Life Writing Month
National Long-term Care Awareness Month
National Marrow Awareness Month
National Medical Science Liaison (MSL) Awareness & Appreciation Month Link
National Native American Heritage Month Link
National Family Literacy Month
National Novel Writing Month Link
National Peanut Butter Lovers Month
National Pet Cancer Awareness Month
National Pomegranate Month Link
National PPSI Aids Awareness Month
National Roasting Month Link
National Scholarship Month Link
Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month Link
Plum and Pomegranate Month Link
Prematurity Awareness Month Link
PTA Healthy Lifestyles Month Link
Spinach and Squash Month Link
Sweet Potato Awareness Month Link (See also February)
NoSHAVEmber (US – Beard Month or November (Australia – Moustache Month )
Vegan Month
Worldwide Bereaved Siblings Month
World Sponge Month
I’m exhausted just reading this list let alone paying any attention to it. With Thanksgiving on the horizon don’t forget to be thankful for our politicians of both parties for doing their part in screwing up this country like none of our enemies have been able to do. Darwin’s quote is very telling these days.
I consider myself a reasonable person with enough life experience to speak on any number of subjects. I’m like a of lot of you out there, I think I ‘m a freaking philosopher as well. The only difference is that most of the time I keep my philosophic thoughts to myself unless asked. I really dislike people who feel the need to preach at me without prompting on their thoughts on every little thing. They love explaining in great detail how to date, who to marry, how to raise children, how to eat properly, and on and on and on. Those people like nothing better than to "beat my ear" with what they think is the final word on everything. My first thought is to tell them to shut up and go away but being that frank with people these days is frowned upon. Decades of politically correct indoctrination has created this know-it-all condition in far too many people.
I can shovel out the blarney with the best of them but I realize that being an annoying prick is not on my bucket list. I’ll be the first person to admit if I need help or advice and I’ll ask for it. While I don’t like asking there are times when I must. You just have to remember that by the simple fact of asking you put yourself in the line of fire for way more information that you’ll ever need or want. It’s just the nature of the beast but it does requires that you stand there and listen to their advice no matter how stupid or inane it may be. So, rule number one: Only ask for advice as a last resort and be absolutely sure you’re asking the right person. You might be better off making a mistake than opening yourself up to the thoughts of a person whose own life experience is somewhat limited.
I’m open to the philosophy of others but prefer to read it rather than listen to it. Over the years I’ve collected different thoughts, statements and quotations, both humorous and serious, that I thought were interesting. Today I’ll pass along some of them to you. You have the option of reading them or not, it’s your choice. I’m making these tidbits available as a service that requires no additional conversation with me whatsoever.
-
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
-
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
-
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
-
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
-
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
-
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
-
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
-
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
I hope these little pearls of wisdom will aid you in your search for answers to all those questions we struggle with. Some are funny but none the less true.
Is there something truly wrong with a person who insists on punishing himself over and over again with no appreciable result to show for his efforts? I know the answer but I just can’t seem to stop myself. If anyone you know ever suggests that you buy and use a treadmill, just kick their ass immediately. Don’t wait, don’t hesitate, just do it. You won’t be sorry. It’s just an underhanded karmic plot to make you pay for some past indiscretions in this life or another.
In the past six weeks in an attempt to lose 30 pounds of ugly fat I’ve been coerced into torturing myself by those I love and who I thought loved me on a machine just one step down from waterboarding. At first I got with the program after suffering some pulled muscles and the constant reminder that I was in the worst shape of my life. It was a humbling experience to say the least but I persevered through all of the pain and humiliation. The weight began falling away as my poor taste buds began to dry up and disappear.
I’ve always loved a good salad but those days are over. It’s true what I’ve always heard. Vegans or people that eat excessive amounts of vegetables and greens smell funny. It’s amazing just how bad that vegetable smell is when converted into methane gas. It’s appalling, embarrassing, and disgusting all at the same time. God help the poor schmuck who wanders into the room where my treadmill is kept when I’m attempting to walk myself to death.
I recall a chubby old red-neck named Larry the Cable Guy who talks about his grandmother who occasionally gets a case of the walking farts while shopping. I always thought that was a funny bit until the truth ran up and smacked me in the nose. I don’t just get the walking farts, I also get the breathing farts. The treadmill has slowly become a disgusting and never-ending fart inducer with no end in sight.
It’s painful at times not just for me but for others. My cat has abandoned me. The room where the treadmill is set up was once HIS room. He’d relax there, play with his toys, and generally kick back for a few hours every day. It’s been more than three weeks since we’ve been in that room at the same time. I walk in to begin my treadmill session and he’s gone in a heartbeat. He refuses to return until I’m finished and the air has cleared. I find him avoiding me in other areas of the house as well just to be on the safe side.
I’ve walked more than fifty-five miles on that effing treadmill and produced enough methane to shame a large herd of cattle. If this continues I may become an actual environmental disaster area. The EPA could show up at anytime with their trucks, white sealed suits, and handcuffs to take me away. I really need to be placed in isolation where I can’t harm anyone but myself. It’s a sad day for my family because they are now forced to live with the shame of it all.
Oh, the sacrifices we’re forced to make for good health.
How do you classify yourself? Many people identify themselves as being a “Child of the 60’s” of a “Child of the 70’s” or whatever. I’ve never actually figured out what I am. My childhood years were in the 50’s but I’ve always felt like a “Child of the 60’s” but also at times like a “Child of the 70’s”. I guess I’m more than a little conflicted. I enjoyed each of those decades to their fullest and each means as much to me as the others. That being said I can state emphatically that I’m not a child of the 80’s, 90’s, or God forbid the twenty-first century. Those born and raised during those years have my sincerest sympathies.
I realize that many of the readers of this blog identify with those years but do they really. Let’s take this short quiz to help answer at least one question, are you really a “Child of the 80’s” or not?
Take a look at this list. If you can identify with more than half of them, you are a child of the 80’s.
-
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off".
-
You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer".
-
You were only cool if you hung out at the Roller Rink and actually knew how to skate.
-
You can sing the McDonald’s Big Mack Filet-o-Fish, quarter pounder, French Fry song while jump roping.
-
You wore 3-8 different colored socks in layers and thought that the more you could wear the cooler you were.
-
You know who Mr. T is.
-
You actually believed for a minute that K.I.T. (The night rider) actually was real.
-
You know who Fat Albert is.
-
You wore fluorescent, neon clothing.
-
You could break dance, or wish you could.
-
You wanted to be The Incredible Hulk for Halloween.
-
You believed that "By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!"
-
Partying "like it’s 1999" seemed SO far away.
-
You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
-
You wanted to be on Star Search.
-
You can remember Michael Jackson when he was still black.
-
You remember the garbage pail kids, and owned some.
-
You knew what Willis was "talkin’ ’bout."
-
You HAD to have your MTV.
-
You always wondered why Tootie always wore those skates.
-
You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good movie.
-
You watched Purple Rain over and over again.
-
Your all time favorite movie was Footloose and you actually thought that Kevin Bacon was HOT in it!!!
-
You remember the episode of Good Times when Flo broke down after James’ funeral.
-
You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
-
You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we’d all be living on the moon.
-
You remember and/or owned any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut or any other stupid collection they came out with.
-
Poltergeist freaked you out.
-
You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunch box.
-
You have pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
-
You know what leg warmers are and probably had a pair.
-
You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish.
-
You had a Swatch Watch with the Swatch Guard.
-
You thought UTFOs "Roxanne, Roxanne" song was the bomb!
-
You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
-
You had Wonder Woman or Superman underoos.
-
You know what a "Push Up" ice cream is.
Well, how did you make out. Are you really a child of the 80’s or not? If you really are then are you willing to admit it in front of your friends? All interesting questions and none of them likely to be answered truthfully. Stand up and be proud of your heritage, no matter how silly and stupid it is. We’ve all had to do that at some point in our lives and it wasn’t easy for us either.
Here’s a little heads up for all of you. I just checked the national observances for September and was somewhat disappointed. I guess it’s official, September has nothing to offer, it just sucks. Contact your local politicians, write letters to Obama, alert the effing media because September needs an official designation besides being "Suck Month".
I guess I sound a little cranky today because I am. I’m in my seventh week of my new exercise and diet program and I’m hungry enough to eat the southbound end of a northbound mule. I’ve come to realize in the last seven weeks that an addiction to sugar is even worse than my former addiction to cigarettes.
I wasn’t a believer until I began this program which requires me to eat as little sugar as possible. I’ve always been a choc-o-holic with a sweet tooth that kept me eating huge amounts of sugar as often as possible. Life was good as long as I got my daily dose of chocolate, candy, or pastries.
After being advised by my doctor to eliminate sugar from my diet completely I never expected it to be so difficult. He directed me to start reading the labels of the things I’d been eating as well as the things I planned to eat. Ignorance was bliss to be sure. Every damn thing has some kind of sugar in it and it’s almost impossible to eat something healthy and actually sugar free. The cravings started almost immediately and increased with each passing day. It was making me a little crazy and I turned into a cranky and mean SOB that my better-half was ready to kill. I was forced to withdraw a little from her because I was on edge and picking fights with her about really stupid stuff. I knew it was happening but couldn’t really control it very well. It took almost five weeks before I physically began to feel a little better.
When I quit smoking in 1985, I did it "cold turkey" after being motivated by a panic attack I thought was a heart attack. Even then the worst of the physical cravings for nicotine passed within two or three weeks. I guess the solution to my problems is to take up smoking candy cigarettes.
I’m doing well now and have learned to almost not hate my treadmill. I’ve walked at a good pace for more than thirty-five miles and am starting to feel physically better. I’ve lost almost seventeen pounds so far but still have a ways to go before I’ll be satisfied.
It’s going to be a long winter but at the end of it I will be thinner, trimmer, and healthier. In my opinion that’s a pretty good trifecta.
Fall has officially arrived here in Maine and I can tell because it’s six in the morning, I’m sitting in the living room and I can see my breath. We normally wait until October to turn on the heat and this year will be no different. With the cost of heating oil being what it is we’re forced to suffer with some cold temperatures for a few more weeks. We actually covered what was left of our garden last night due to the anticipated frost that our expert weather people are calling for. For a change they were spot on.
I’ve always been adamant about not liking hot weather and that hasn’t changed much over the years. The worst part for me is the short periods of time between the seasons where I’m forced to adjust to the change. I’m sitting here this morning fresh from my bed where my ever so popular electric blanket continues to keep my better-half warm and toasty. I was finally forced to get it out one morning last week when I woke up at three AM with with my feet freezing and my teeth chattering. Transitions can be a large pain in the backside but what can you do?
In another week the garden will be finished and I’ll begin storing things away to prepare for the first snowfall. I’m looking forward to that as I usually do because believe it or not I enjoy the coziness of winter. It’s a quieter time that allows us to snuggle in and to enjoy each other’s company. It’s a time to take care of long delayed projects and for reflection on the past year and the beginning of expectations for the next.
With the tourists out of the picture we can start visiting many of our favorite places that we’ve avoided for the last few months. No more ridiculous parking fees and never ending beach traffic. We can now bundle up and return to walking the beach to enjoy Mother Nature without gangs of visitors clogging up the area.
Hopefully within the next hour or two the sun will come out and warm things up a little. We’re anticipating temperatures today nearing seventy which is nice but not long after sundown the temperature will drop suddenly into the high thirties and low forties. We’ll eventually make the adjustment and in no time be ready to sit back for a few months and enjoy the season.
I know it’s really Fall since my arm is stiff and sore from that damn flu shot I got yesterday. I guess I’m ready for just about anything. We’ll be taking lots of photographs in the coming month which is always enjoyable and the Fryeburg Fair is just weeks away. It will be the last big get together for the state of Maine this year and my better-half loves reconnecting with all those farm animals she hasn’t seen since last year. She’s what you might call a closet farmer with a passion for piggies and a secret wish that she’d been born a hundred years ago on a farm.
I’m almost completely awake now and after one more cup of hot coffee I’ll be ready to face the day.
I’ve always loved slamming celebrities and today will be no different. I do it fairly by just simply using their own words against them. Many of these so called celebrities insist on disturbing my calm by being in my face at every turn on both TV and radio. They’re determined to explain to me how much smarter they think they are about politics, the environment, and any other effing cause they are promoting. It became tiresome more years ago than I care to mention. Since I can’t tell them in person what I think about them without being accused of being a stalker or paparazzi, I’ll use this blog to at least vent enough to make me fell better.
You can take the Bill Maher’s and the Susan Sarandon’s of the world and all of their wack-job friends and ship them wherever you’d like. Just get them out of my face. Here are a few quotes that I’m sure these geniuses wished they’d never made. Here we go . . . .
-
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
– Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss USA Pageant
- "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are."
– Mat Lauer, Today Show, NBC
- "I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
– David Dinkins, New York City Mayor answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
- "Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life."
– Brooke Shields
- "We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
– Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
- "I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
– Hillary Clinton
- "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
– Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor
- "It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
– Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President
I will admit that celebrities make writing this blog easy at times. They are the proverbial “gifts that keep on giving” and I for one appreciate it.
And as a final thought, thanks to Fred Thompson and his celebrity buddies trying to convince all the seniors in this country that reverse mortgages are the best thing since sliced bread. What a giant load of crap.
It’s time today for a little catch-up on my journal. In just a few short weeks the Maine weather has gone from extreme heat and humidity to extreme cold and a couple of nights with a fear of frost. It’s a little early for this temperature change but you have no choice but to adjust.
I spent a few hours yesterday beginning the process of clearing plants from the garden for removal to the compost pile. I was surprised by how many cucumbers and cherry tomatoes I was able to salvage. I ended up with almost a dozen good sized cucumbers that were hidden amongst the plants and a at least a hundred cherry tomatoes that were still green but will ripen over the next week or so. It’s never fun taking the garden down at the end of the season but it has to be done and can require a large time investment.
I removed the sprinkler systems and the hoses and all of the hot pepper and squash plants. I left the beans, lettuce, and snap peas alone because they don’t mind the cold weather too much and are are still producing. Another week or so and they’ll be gone too.
The leaves are falling from the trees already and you can’t walk through the yard without running into squirrels and chipmunks with their mouths stuffed with nuts and acorns. They aren’t even running from us anymore. Their primary interest right now is to store away as much as they can as quickly as they can. Funny, that’s exactly the same thing my better-half and I are doing as well.
Once all of the plant material has been removed from the frames I can begin the soil preparation for next year. I’ll first rototill the ground and then cover the entire garden with three or four inches of compost. Then I’ll spread a little lime into the soil with a generic fertilizer, rototill it a second time and call it a day. I’ll let it set all winter and in the spring it should be ready to go. I’m hoping to have everything finished by the end of September so I won’t get surprised by good old Mother Nature who loves nothing more than dropping an early snow storm on us.
We spent some time the other night discussing changes to next years garden and the choice of items we plan on planting. It’s an ever-changing process as we learn more about the plants and the amount of production we can expect. It’s all of this prep work that makes the garden a success year after year and it’s time well spent and worth the effort.
I worked for two retail companies for a total of nineteen years which makes me something of an expert. I continue to be amazed at the poor hiring practices used by most retailers. They hire on the cheap and expect the world of those same inexperienced and poorly trained employees. Walmart is the largest retailer around and the stories from their stores are amazingly bizarre. They are just the tip of a gigantic and costly iceberg.
All of us have tales to tell about the odd, strange, and stupid behavior of cashiers from almost any chain or store you can think of. It has forced many companies to create cash register systems that are more and more complex. Their thought process is to make the registers so smart that it takes the guesswork out of the hands of the cashiers. It’s a great idea but doomed to failure. All that solution gives the store is an expensive and complex computer checkout system run by an eighteen year old inexperienced dumbass.
Here are a few stories I’ve found that make my point and then some.
-
A cashier noticed that a man never signed his name on the back of his credit card. She informed him that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When he asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature he’d just signed on the receipt. So he took a pen and signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one he signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
-
A young girl went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
-
A woman was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" She said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That’s why we ask."
-
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear retail coworker who was leaving the company due to "down-sizing," the store manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. Everyone just looked at each other like “deer in the headlights”.
These problems exist across the board with every type of retailer. Kids who can’t make the proper change even after the register tells them the proper amount. I could make a twenty minute shopping trip to any store and have at least one good story to tell about employee screw-ups. If you can imagine how many errors are being made on a daily basis in this country, it gets a little scary.
This should be considered your PSA (Public Service Announcement) for today. Keep your eyes and ears open when shopping because not all mistakes cost just the company money. You could be losing money every time you shop if your not paying attention. Check your receipt before you leave the store for any obvious errors. Companies are notorious for putting prices on a sign near the product but forgetting to update the UPC system. It costs us millions of dollars every year and that’s a conservative estimate.
Buyer Beware!
everyuselessthing.com 