Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
Another Mother’s Day has come and gone and for the first time in my life I have no mother to celebrate with. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about that but when you have no choice you just muddle your way through. I guess Mother’s Day has now become for me more a day of remembrance rather than a holiday.
I chatted briefly with my sister but I suspect she’s feeling the same way. Our actual feelings went unspoken during our conversation but we were both thinking the same thing. Fortunately she has her daughter and two grandchildren to help her through this day.
Since my better-half’s sons both live out-of-state I knew I’d need to be there for her because I know how much she misses them. Fortunately her daughter and grandson live nearby and visited last evening to celebrate with her. It was a nice night because it was her daughter’s very first official Mother’s Day and she was really excited about it. One thing nicer than seeing the grandson growing up so fast is also seeing his mom turning into quite the woman and mother.
My better-half had to work today so I left the house early to do a little shopping. I picked up two huge and beautiful steaks, a little wine, a very pretty potted flower, and a Mother’s Day card. I know, she’s not my mother but that’s not really the point. Being a Mom has always been the most important thing to her and her close relationship with her kids is everything. I don’t want her dwelling on the fact that they’re not able to be here so I need to do something a little special.
She arrived home to a cold drink, a big kiss, her flowers and my mushy choice of a card. I did good! I then took those two big beautiful steaks to the grill and turned them into something special. Two inches thick and melt in your mouth wonderful. Baked potatoes and fresh salad followed along with her favorite desert, a chocolate Nutty Buddy. It can’t get much better than that for either of us.
Our day is winding down now, she’s talked to her Mom and her other siblings, and now she can relax and prepare for her two days off. Good days are sometimes hard to find but not this one.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you mother’s out there, male and female alike.
I’ve now lived in Maine for almost thirteen years and I’ve been told by a few native born Mainer’s that until you’ve lived here at least ten years your not considered a real Mainer. Since I’m now certified and official I’ve earned the right to criticize and make fun of my fellow citizens.
I’ve always been someone who sings Maine’s praises and really do love living here. It’s one of the most beautiful states in the country with many natural resources and scenic coastlines. That being said it also has issues you should be made aware of. Some years ago I stumbled on this list and found it funny as hell. A lot of time has passed since then but this list still rings true.
If you decide to visit our lovely state then you need more information than the stuff always published in the travel brochures. This list is so true it’s a little scary. Here are the things you can expect.
The local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.
People at Home Depot will offer you assistance and they don’t even work there.
It’s not unusual for you to have a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
You will learn to measure distance in hours not miles.
You will meet several people who’ve hit a deer more than once if you stay more than a week.
You’ll be swimming in August wearing a full body wetsuit.
You may switch from heat and AC in the same day and then back again.
You may learn to drive 75 miles through 2 feet of snow during a blizzard without flinching.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife will know how to use them.
Children’s Halloween costumes here are designed to fit over a snowsuit.
You will learn all about our four seasons: almost Winter, Winter, still Winter, and road construction.
You’ll have more miles on your snow blower than on your car.
Bear these facts in mind when you come to visit. It can be cold and snowy in the blink of an eye except for the months of June, July, and part of August.
I was just sitting here trying to decide what I should post today when I received an email from my nephew in Dallas. He’s lived there long enough to be called a real Texan and he’s proud of it as most Texans are. I’m passing the contents of his email along for all of you to read. It’s humorous to the Nth degree but the underlying message is something I also feel strongly about.
I only wish I could be the guy who picks the contestants for this Texas version of Survivor. I have at least ten possible candidates that truly deserve to to be put to this test. I won’t name them but I’ll bet anything you can figure most of them out on your own. Please let this happen.
Survivor — Texas Style
Due to the popularity of "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor – Texas-Style!" The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed through Mission, up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth and Finally back to Dallas.
Each contestant will be required to drive a pink Prius covered with the following 15 bumper stickers
"I’m A Democrat"
"Amnesty For Illegals"
"I Love The Dixie Chicks"
"Boycott Beef"
"I Voted For Obama"
" George Strait Sucks"
"Re-elect Obama In 2016"
"Vote Eric Holder Texas Governor"
"Rosie O’Donnell Is Texas Born"
"I Love Obama Care and Chuck Schumer"
"Barney Frank Is My Hero"
"I Side With Jane Fonda"
"It’s Bush’s Fault"
“Islam Is A Peace-Loving Religion”
and the last sticker will read:
"I’m Here To Confiscate Your Guns"
The first contestant to make it back to Dallas alive wins. What more can I say except "Remember the Alamo and the Constitution".
It’s May Day at last with the dreariness of winter slowly fading into memory. It’s time to celebrate the Spring and the rebirth it offers. How’s that for a huge load of manure? If you’ve had enough of that kind of talk then sit back and enjoy this discussion about sex.
I’ve known a few women over the years who are impossible to forget. I’ve had gay female friends, prudish female friends, and even promiscuous female friends but there’s one in particular I remember the best. I haven’t seen her for more than ten years but the memory of her still lingers.
I’ve been called an obsessive person by more than a few people. It’s doubly strange that I have such a hard time dealing with other obsessives. That was the case with this women who was obsessed with oral sex and took her obsession quite seriously. I’d pull into a drive-thru and she’d be on me like a lioness on a wildebeest. She loved shocking people which on many occasions included me. I was always at risk for that sort of surprise and eventually I was afraid to take her out in public. I know most of the men reading this are probably wondering if I’d lost my mind. Maybe I did for a while. I’m not complaining about the sex because it was great but the circumstances under which it occurred could be off-putting. I’m no exhibitionist and having an audience would never be my first choice. We eventually went our separate ways with a full range of mixed emotions on my part.
The following list was sent to me from her a number of years ago and made me smile. She’s apparently is still alive and well and living her dream. I considered editing the content but what would be the point. Here it is.
Blow Job Rules from Women
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to Rule #1 – If you get one, be grateful.
3. No, I DON’T have to swallow.
4. My ears are NOT handles.
5. Having my period does not mean that it’s “HUMMER WEEK.” Get it through your head…I’m bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can’t have sex right now.
6. “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls; if you’re that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
7. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
8. If you like how I do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I’m good at it.
9. No, I don’t care about the protein content.
10. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
11. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
12. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.
* * *
She was never too shy back in the day and it appears she hasn’t changed a lick (no pun intended).
In my effort to maintain some sort of handle on our modern day culture I spend a portion of my time exploring the odd and weird corners of this wonderful tool called the Internet. You’ll notice that nowhere in that last sentence was the word FUN mentioned. The reason being that most of the time there is no fun involved.
I may have made a few mentions in the past concerning women, their foibles and humorous approaches to life in general. Sometimes they are interesting and sometimes not so much. Today it’s time to even things up a little and give some men the boot in the ass they seem to deserve.
I landed on a web site recently called askmen.com where a list of the Top 99 Women of 2013 had been created and posted. I’m not sure how you determine the 99 Top Women for 2013 when it’s only April. I guess if you’re a women who does something really great or interesting in the last eight months of this year, you don’t count. The site is a little unclear who was responsible for making this list or the requirements needed to be named. Is it the prettiest, the sexiest, the smartest, the biggest boobs, the nicest ass, or what? I still don’t know.
Being the curious person that I am I began at the bottom of the list with Berenice Marlohe. Who the hell is that you ask, why it’s the newest James Bond girl. My first thought was “So What!” Then to Kim Kardashian, who needs no introduction to her stupid and ignorant fans in this country. Next I find Kate Moss, the former drug using model who now gets naked so she can appear with Rihanna in the magazine "V".
Let’s recap so far. One untested actress, one money hungry TV slut, and one second rate model forced to show her goods as a backdrop to Rihanna. That tells me immediately this is not the list of possible women role models for our younger generations nor is it the list of women who’ve made any noticeable contributions to our society. It’s the list of what some unknown list-maker has decided are the most sexy and easiest babes to look at. I might be forced to question this list-maker’s qualifications because in my opinion he doesn’t have a clue. I don’t want to get into a rant on this subject just yet so let’s check out a few more of their so called candidates for fame and fortune.
Next is Paula Gretsky, daughter of Wayne. Fresh from her bikini shoot at Maxim magazine. Then comes Raquel Diaz aka Rocsi, a BET video show hostess, and then Jenna Marbles, a former YouTube sensation, who put out a half-assed video that happened to go viral. WTF is going on? I should tell you now that Jennifer Lawrence was the number one selection for 2013 and that Charlize Theron came in at number 97. This list-maker is either blind, stupid, or fifteen years old. Does that make any kind of sense to you at all? It doesn’t for me.
I’ve always gone out of my way to defend my gender but it’s times like this I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. This web site should be avoided at all costs and I won’t be providing a link to it here. These so-called lists created from their so-called readership seem to me to be bogus. It’s just a cheap and lame attempt to drive the hit rate of their site with as many hot female bodies as they can find. It’s the same scheme used by Sports Illustrated every year with their Swimsuit Edition. Hey guys, it’s already been done to death so please stop. As a man I’m a little embarrassed by the whole thing and so should all of you.
Just as a common courtesy I thought I’d let everyone know that as I ended yesterday’s posting I was hoping and praying for a really sexy massage but a little worried about a threatened enema. I received neither and on one hand I’m happy and the other hand not so much. It was an all or nothing deal and I had to turn it down because I’m chicken.
It’s always been that way for me. it’s never someone just offering me a nice kiss on the cheek but someone promising that kiss then kicking me in the balls as well. Carrot and stick all at the same time. If you can avoid that situation I would highly recommend it.
Since I’m still under the weather I’ll spend my day today on the computer continuing the sorting and cataloging of my photographs. I’ve almost completed the job which has taken just about forever but ever time I return home with my camera I have another hundred or so photo’s to review and sort. And no I don’t keep everything. If I take a hundred photos from my camera I may keep twenty-five. A quick skim through them usually reveals very quickly which ones just suck and have no real value.
My standard routine is to take at least four shots of every photograph. It still amazes me how much difference takes place in just a second or two from the last one. As a general rule the very first snap usually is the keeper. Not always but more often than not. It just goes to show that my first thoughts and actions in that specific moment were correct, most of the time.
I may spend a little time today playing with my Photoshop program. I normally don’t edit my photographs because I want them exactly as they were when taken. I’ll on occasion edit a few as a novelty and print them up for friends and family but in my opinion untouched photo’s are always the way to go. I’m still something of a novice with Photoshop but it’s fun to play around with which can only increase my proficiency.
I’m hoping by tomorrow I’ll be permitted to leave the house. Just between you and me, regardless of the warden’s wishes, I’ll be getting out of here for a few hours. A little fresh air can only help and even if it doesn’t, so what. I have to admit that I’m a terrible patient and even though my better-half is trying to help I still can occasionally be a pain in the ass. Hard to believe I know.
Well, tomorrow is another day with the promise of sunny weather, a quick and undetected escape from this house, and freedom, freedom, freedom.
Well today is the day when the ever-so-lame Earth Day is celebrated. I’ve never celebrated this day the same way I don’t recognize or celebrate Kwanza. All you "Greenies" out there can get as excited as you like today but not me or mine.
Her are a few facts about how Earth Day was started and by the POS who was responsible. Read and learn all you Green fools about one of your demi-gods who cared more for the planet than the life of an innocent women.
I’ve been around since the inception of Earth Day by Ira Einhorn and his half-assed hippy movement and while some of the initial ideas were valid concerning abuses of the environment it has now evolved into a semi-religious movement with goals and political aims that go way too far and are harming the country. Everything green becomes more important than life itself. The movement has no respect about another persons property rights, their jobs, or the devastating effect many of the stupid EPA laws have had on unsuspecting citizens and businesses.
As in any movement you must look at the leader for his ideas and credibility. Einhorn to me is just a stone-cold killer who thinks the laws of society don’t apply to him.
Ira Samuel Einhorn, a.k.a. “The Unicorn Killer” (born May 15, 1940), is a convicted murderer, and American activist of the 1960s and 1970s. He is now serving a life sentence for the 1977 murder of Holly Maddux.
How many Earth Days has “Holly Maddux” missed since she was beaten to death by Einhorn, stuffed into a trunk, and stuck in a closet. It took more than twenty years to find, arrest, return him to this country, and convict him.
To quote the murderer: “Underlying the themes of Earth Day is a call for mankind to align itself with nature, and against itself, enlisting human beings to take part in a battle that seeks to place humanity under the control of an enlightened elite, one that values the interests of nature above that of people.
If your interested click here to learn more about the case:
IRA EINHORN’S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
My drywall frustration continued again today shortly after I started priming the ceiling. I’m enough of a realist to understand that no matter how hard you try it’s almost impossible to do a remodeling project in an old house that is just perfect. I accepted that fact and decided early on I would deal with those problems as they occurred. Well, they did.
I purposely made the decision to for this to be a winter project and to take as much time as necessary to do it right. From the first that freaking ceiling was a problem. It wasn’t level and the room wasn’t square but I fixed each issue as best I could and proceeded on. In my heart I knew that no matter what there would be certain areas I could never get perfect.
As soon as I began painting today I discovered a new drywall rule of thumb. Everything good is really bad and everything bad is really good. Every area that I was concerned with turned out perfect and the two areas I was worried the least about became the biggest problems. One area couldn’t be properly fixed and will require additional repair work once the remainder of the room is completed. It’s just so damn frustrating.
Enough with the damn remodel. I finally made my way outside and it was the most gorgeous day so far this month. I managed to complete some of the yard cleanup, chatted with a neighbor or two, and cleared my head of remodeling issues. After my better-half arrived home from work we sat down and began to plan the garden. What and where we should plant, buying additional soil to fill the frames, and a possible expansion of the garden to allow her to plant thirty of forty of the larger species of sunflowers. It was an hour well spent that will make this year’s garden preparation less of a challenge.
One of our neighbors stopped by and he really has a bad case of garden/spring fever. Over the past few summers he and his wife created a basic home garden and discovered how much they enjoyed it. This year their two young daughters, ages five and seven, are becoming more involved. The girls are are ready to jump into things immediately and have already started a few seeds and can’t wait to get a little dirty with their mom and dad in the garden. It should a great summer for all of us exchanging gardening tips and canning techniques. I’m looking forward to my first visit from his girls to talk about our gardens. They’re too cute to be believed.
My book reading goal was reached last night when I completed both my sci-fi and non-fiction novels. I read well into the night and had a great time in the process. Now I can finish the third book at my leisure and take a little time to properly enjoy it.
Slowly but surely I’m making progress.
There are a few things that are unavoidable in life. Death and taxes come to mind but a few others are almost as unavoidable especially if you’re a man. I’ve been around longer than I care to admit and that in itself has inevitably forced me to closely study and attempt to understand the human female. As hard as it is to believe, I’ve made very little progress. On any given day I’m confronted with comments from women about guys “leaving the seat up” or “being difficult to talk to” and a host of other broad-brush criticisms. All I can do is smile a little, say nothing, and be amused by the fact they really don’t understand us either.
Today was a perfect example. I was asked along on one of her famous shopping excursions so I prepared as I always do. I packed my e-reader, one book, and my camera. This is the basic survival equipment required for these short local shopping trips. I also have several other necessities I require for extended shopping trips that last more than three hours including but not limited to binoculars, a back scratcher, a pillow, and a a warm fuzzy blanket. Being a former Boy Scout I’m still a big believer in the motto, “Be Prepared”. I need these things to keep me comfortable as I wait in the car in front of every Kohl’s, Target, Michael’s, and Wal-Mart. The alternative is go in and push a cart around for a mile or two and idiot watch. Do I get any credit for just keeping her company? A big no. It’s always something like “you men, you never want to be with us. You just sit in the car and play with your toys”. How’s that for gratitude? I’ll have you know anything I own that cost me more than $400.00 is no freaking toy. Sorry, it just had to be said but unfortunately only the men are listening.
I have a few other issues with women but no one seems to pay much attention to my thoughts and conclusions. Simple stuff, like why does it take fifteen minutes to pull a car into the garage and get out. I’ve timed my better-half many times and it’s never takes her less than ten minutes. Gotta check the hair and the makeup (for some reason), then she goes through her bags (always carrying at least two), checks the back seat, glove compartment , and possibly her pulse and blood pressure as well. Do I loudly criticize her for these things? Not anymore. I gave up even mentioning them years ago because it was a waste of time. It goes in one ear and directly out the other.
What are my conclusions. I have none. But as a human male who is a long standing member of the Men’s union and a continuing target for female criticisms (valid or otherwise), I’ll keep trying to make sense of it all.
A few juicy wisecracks immediately come to mind but today I’ll ne nice. I won’t use them except in my own defense if she starts getting feisty when she can’t find clothes that will fit. I’ll do my best to convince her it’s not the fault of all the men in the world that she can’t fit her ass into a pair of jeans. I guarantee you she won’t believe a word of it.
This is what I would call a text book example of what a women would consider a normal relationship. They talk and we listen, just perfect.
I’ve been watching and listening to the the President and his minions for years now. I’ve discredited him when I could and attempted to convince anyone who would listen to not give him their vote. To those of you who refuse to see the truth then you’re obvious one of the Obama’s loyal “Kool-Aid” drinkers. My response is for everyone to listen to our pass presidents for guidance and help in these perilous times. Listen up!
“It will be worthy of a free, enlightened, and, at no distant period, a great nation, to give to mankind the magnanimous and too novel example of a People always guided by an exalted justice and benevolence.”
George Washington – Farewell Address 1796
“I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.”
Thomas Jefferson 1785
“The American people will ever do well if well done by.”
Abraham Lincoln 1860
“The strength of our Nation must continue to be used in the interest of all our people rather than a privileged few. It must continue to be used unselfishly in the struggle for world peace and the betterment of mankind.”
Harry S. Truman – State of the Union Jan 1949
“Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world must first come to pass in the heart of America.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower – First Inaugural Address 1953
“America is a great nation today not because of what government did for people but because of what people did for themselves and one another.”
Richard M. Nixon – Beyond Peace 1994
“All great change in America begins at the dinner table.”
Ronald Reagan – Farewell Address Jan 1989
“America is never wholly herself unless she is engaged in high moral principle. We as a people have a purpose today. It is to make kinder the face of the nation and gentler the face of the world.”
George Bush – Inaugural Address 1989
On a more happier note I’d like to welcome aboard some new followers to this blog. Take a few minutes and check out their blogs as I regularly do. The diversity of the WordPress community is amazing, informative. and endless. Welcome!
Food 4 the Soul 93, sammykrish994, Valeriu D. G. Barbu, prophetbrahmarishi, Joe Warnimont, rnwdgaf, Guerrilla Graffiti Magazine, Book Hub Inc, dasitton309, sipoffashion, spygarden, kirstywirsty, and more-sprinkles.
everyuselessthing.com 