Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category
This week begins the warm-up for one of my least favorite experiences I’ve been cursed with over the years. It’s a special gift passed on to me through the genes of my late parents and one I wish I could have refused. The secret word for today is COLONOSCOPY. I begin my preparations tomorrow for my seventh anal adventure and hopefully my last. Over the next few postings I’ll document as best I can within the limits of good taste the wonders of medical science I’m about to experience. Lucky you!
My introduction to colonoscopies began many, many, years ago in a galaxy far, far, away. After an annual checkup I was referred to a specialist for further exams and a possible bout with rectal and anal surgery for hemorrhoids and polyps. Trust me, it wasn’t as great as I’m making it sound. My very first meeting with the specialist lasted only ten minutes. I was given an armload of laxatives and and a large bottle of Citrate of Magnesia. I was handed a sheet of instructions on how to go about emptying my body of just about everything and a future date for my return visit was also confirmed. All of a sudden I found myself back on the street with a real desire to find out exactly what the hell a colonoscopy actually was. I needed to do some research quickly.
Two weeks later I seemed twenty pounds lighter after spending 48 hours within running distance of the nearest bathroom. It was a humbling experience as I did everything possible to expel my entire insides down the drain. I arrived at the doctor’s office and checked in at the desk trying not to make eye contact with anyone. It was a lot like going to a fertilization specialist to ejaculate into a plastic cup or buying tampons at Rite-Aid for my better-half. Totally embarrassing.
I was led into an examination room wearing one of those backless paper gowns with my butt sticking out. I was laid face down on the table which was then elevated high enough to put my head near the floor and my ass in the air. If that wasn’t humiliating enough there was a knock on the door and in marched ten student nurses who were permitted one at a time to take a peek at my butt, inside and out. They oooed and awwed as they passed by, took a few notes and marched from the room. Here’s a reminder for you. Never schedule a rectal exam at a teaching hospital. You’ve been warned.
Another twenty minutes passed by and my adventure began in earnest when a probe on the end of a cable with a flashlight, torch, and camera were slowly inserted further and further into my backside. They lightly drugged me and I was able to look up my own ass on a nearby television screen. It looked like a gigantic pink Holland Tunnel without the cars. I then fell asleep and awoke twenty minutes later feeling rather odd. My wife picked me up after I recovered a bit and took me home where I was able to get a few hours of drug induced sleep. It wasn’t much fun but unfortunately for me it was necessary. My surgery was successful and I received my second colonoscopy just two months later. The doctor apparently wanted to go back in to check his work. I just love thorough doctors.
Fifteen years later my family doctor gave me more bad news during my annual visit. Because of two colon surgeries on my late mother for cancerous polyps he felt I needed to be checked again. Colonoscopy number three came and went and I breathed another sign of relief. I was good to go for a while I thought.
Within a few years my mother had another cancerous piece of her colon removed and that triggered regularly scheduled colonoscopies for me for the foreseeable future. It’s now 2015 and I’m ready for number seven. The technology has improved dramatically over the years and the drugs are much better. Getting colonoscopies stopped bothering me years ago because the alternative is too ugly to think about. Over the years I’ve had upwards of ten to twelve very small polyps burned from my colon and fortunately none were cancerous. I plan on living a long and full life and these god awful procedures make that possible. No matter what anyone tells you, fear is an excellent motivator.
More to follow.
There nothing more to talk about after the snow storm we just suffered through. It ended late last night after 36 hours of blizzard conditions. Fortunately all of us crazy Mainers aren’t effected all that much by heavy snow. The weather experts were predicting 14-18 inches but what the hell do they know. I pulled out my trusty snowblower yesterday afternoon just to try and keep up with the storm. No such luck. It was white-out conditions for most of the day and night making snowblowing almost impossible. Even though I’m getting my ass kicked by this flu I have, I persevered. My measurement at that time was 20 inches across the driveway. Early this morning I once again measured and added another 14 inches to the total.
As I’ve said previously a couple of feet of snow is no big deal here. My better-half just left for work, the roads were already clear, and all is right with the world. I’ll throw a few more pictures out there for you folks who missed out on all the fun.
‘My New Best Friend’
‘Freezing My You-Know-What Off’
Unfortunately the word is out of two more storms headed this way next week with another foot or two of snow expected. Here’s a big Bronx Cheer for all those global warming idiots. They should come up here and help me shovel.
“This is a courtesy warning for those of you with weak stomachs. What you are about to read was written while under the influence of twenty different cold and flu medications. Proceed at your own risk.”
As my better-half and I lay here in bed this morning coughing and sniffling, I had a major epiphany. Basically the human body is a complex, disgusting, and disturbing mess. Let’s run down the list of my favorites things. We have farts, body odor, bad breath, smelly feet, and a host other smells that are best forgotten. We are easy infected with every virus imaginable and the medical research community is hard at work (so they say) to come up with answers and remedies for them. That doesn’t include the common cold of course. Nothing or no one seems to be able to find that super drug that will conquer that sneaky little disease.
Let’s not forget the biggest two items we first learned about as children, #1 and #2. Let’s call them what they are, urine and poop. I’m not sure what genius started the #1 and #2 nonsense but I’d bet it was some goody-two shoes afraid to say those two disgusting words. While he was standing around being disgusted he made a critical error. He forgot the all important #3, Phlegm aka mucus aka sputum. While urine and poop are smelly and disgusting phlegm rules. It comes in multiple colors and multiple textures and it never stops being produced. At least with urine and poop, you go once and your good for a while. With phlegm there’s no end. I could probably fill an Olympic size swimming pool with all of the phlegm my body has produced in my lifetime. In just the last twelve hours my better-half and I have produced at least twenty gallons each without even trying.
I actually prefer the term sputum rather than phlegm or mucus. It sounds much more sophisticated and medical. If someone says the word phlegm to me it immediately brings to mind a pearly little lugie. Lugies are even more disgusting because you can be targeted accidentally or purposely by one of those mean spirited and accurate lugie spitters. If someone says "I have a build up of sputum in my throat." It sounds a little less disgusting and more official.
So, what have we learned so far. First there should a #3 added to the lexicon to identify Sputum or phlegm or mucus. I’m really just trying to class things up a little for a change but no one wants to cooperate.
I see in our future a new national observance for Sputum Day. This substance has become as big a part of our miserable lives as #1 and #2 and in January and February may even surpass them. It deserves to be recognized and celebrated with parades and parties not just in the US but across the world. We already have Earth Day and I think it’s time for Sputum Day. The drink of the day can be green beer (stolen from St. Paddy’s Day) and laced with mayonnaise. A thick and repugnant drink that can really bring back memories of colds and flu from your childhood. There’s nothing better than a disgusting trip down Memory Lane.
Enough! This post is actually beginning to turn my stomach too. I’ll clean up my act when and only when I start to feel a little better. Meanwhile I’ll just keep producing all this phlegm and sucking down all these miracle cold and flu remedies that don’t really work. All they do is create more Sputum.
Don’t even get me started on Smegma.
It appears I may have contracted one of a number of viruses, cold, or a flu of some sort. Winter is tough enough when your confined to your home but being ill at the same time is murder. My energy level is such that I’m postponing all of my current projects for a while.
The bathroom remodel is on hold after making a surprisingly good start. All of the supplies have been delivered from Lowe’s and are piling up in my man-cave. That’ll start driving me crazy in short order. I’ve resigned myself to more sedentary tasks such as writing and sketching and a hour or so everyday of Halo where I can kill a few aliens without tiring myself out. There’s nothing so satisfying as ridding a planet of bad guys without getting out of your favorite chair.
I just finished having my breakfast which was an experiment in eating. One of our Christmas gifts this year was a NutriBullet used to make any number of smoothies to help us drink our way to good health. I always thought that was what bourbon was for but things change I guess. I eat more than my share of veggies and herbs and I really prefer eating them on a plate and not in a smoothie. For me smoothies sole purpose is to give me a proper substitute for creamy, sweet, and satisfying milkshakes. With that thought in mind I decided to try something different.
Normally I’m fairly regimented in my eating habits. I love cereal and try to have it three times a week. My other option is bacon and eggs and I’ve tried to cut back on that in recent years to just once every two weeks. This morning I filled the NutriBullet with two cups of almond milk (which I’ve come to love), a cup and a half of cereal containing freeze dried strawberries, oat chunks, and bran. I dropped in a half cup of blueberries and gave it two minutes in the NutriBullet. I was as shocked as anyone when I tasted it. It was fantastic and I’ll be having it again real soon. It may not be the oft praised health food that the fanatics require but it works for me.
The cat and I are spending some quality time together this morning after a couple of weeks of disputes. He’s been banned from our bedroom at night because of his insistence on waking us up at odd hours for no apparent reason. I locked him out of the bedroom a week ago and he been more than a little pissy ever since. He doesn’t like change in his life anymore than the rest of us but he has no choice but to adjust.
I plan on taking it easy for a few more days until after the Super Bowl and then try and get back to work. I’ve just downloaded four more novels for my Kindle and that should keep me occupied until then.
Life goes on whether we like it or not.
‘This doesn’t fall in January but I like it anyway.”
We all love observances or so it seems. I’ve never seen or understood why they’re so necessary. It seems that if more than three people get together and agree on something it immediately becomes necessary to make the entire country aware of it. So they submit a request to one of our overpaid and more times than not incompetent politicians requesting a day be set forth for a celebration of their oh so important subject.
Politicians who are consumed with getting reelected will prostitute themselves in any way for recognition, no matter how stupid or inane the request might be. Since January and February are such slow months they seem to have plenty of time on their hands for these Monthly, Weekly, and Daily observances. A small portion seem reasonable but the vast majority are just so much fluff and utter nonsense. This post will be my PSA (Public Service Announcement) for the first quarter of this year. The following list contains only a portion of the large number of daily observances for January. Some are funny, most are stupid, and some I have no idea what they mean or what they’re meant to accomplish.
- Asarah B’Tevet Day: 1 A SHOULDER SHRUG AND PUZZLED LOOK HERE.
- Euro Day: 1 WHO REALLY CARES?
- First Foot Day: 1
- New Year’s Dishonor List Day: 1
- Z Day: 1 WHO KNOWS WHAT THIS IS FOR?
- Happy Mew Year for Cats Day: 2 SO FREAKING LAME.
- Drinking Straw Day: 3
- Fruitcake Toss Day: 3 THIS MIGHT BE REFERRING TO THE POLITICIANS.
- *Memento Mori "Remember You Die" Day: 3
- Dimpled Chad Day: 4 ANOTHER DEMOCRAT FROM FLORIDA I’LL BET.
- Tom Thumb Day: 4
- Bird Day: 5 I’VE GOT A BIRD FOR THEM RIGHT HERE.
- "Thank God It’s Monday" Day: 5
- I’m Not Going To Take It Anymore Day: 7
- National Tempura Day: 7
The list continues but I promise you they don’t get any better. The further along we go the worse it seems to get.
- Argyle Day: 8
- Bubble Bath Day: 8
- National English Toffee Day: 8
- National Bubble Bath Day: 8
- National Joy Germ Day: 8
- Balloon Ascension Day: 9
- National Cassoulet Day: 9 I HAVE NO CLUE ON THIS ONE.
- National Static Electricity Day: 9
- Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day: 11 THIS IS SOOO CRUCIAL.
- No Pants Subway Ride Day: 11 THIS SHOULD BE A NEW YORK HOLIDAY.
- Kiss A Ginger (Red Heads) Day: 12 THOUGHT UP BY A PISSED OFF RED HEAD.
- Rubber Duckie Day: 13
- Caesarean Section Day: 14 WHO WANTS TO CELEBRATE THIS?
- Dress Up Your Pet Day: 14 TO STUPID TO BE BELIEVED.
‘Is there a ribbon for Stupid?”
I just wonder how much time is wasted by our overpaid politicians to process these stupid requests and present them for an official vote. What special interest groups could some of these possibly represent?
- Appreciate A Dragon Day: 16
- Fig Newton Day: 16
- International Fetish Day: 16 A FAVORITE OF MOST POLITICIANS.
- Nothing Day: 16 AMEN TO THIS.
- Tu B’shuvt: 16 HAVEN’T A CLUE.
- Cable Car Day: 17
- Tin Can Day: 19
- Penguin Awareness Day: 20
- National Disc Jockey Day: 20
- Squirrel Appreciation Day: 21 THIS IS NUTS.
I know, I know, it’s also hard for me to believe that this partial list continues on. Just be glad I didn’t list everything else that I found for January or you’d be reading for another twenty minutes.
- Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day: 22 IF YOUR CAT ANSWERS GIVE ME A CALL.
I find it really interesting and ironic that the following two observances fall on the same day.
- Celebration of Life Day: 22
- Roe vs. Wade Day: 22
Back to the last few entries for this embarrassing display of political patronage and political correctness.
- Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day: 23 I CELEBRATE THIS DAY AFTER EVERY SNOW STORM.
- Beer Can Day: 24 MY BETTER-HALF IS THE POSTER GIRL ON THIS ONE.
- Talk Like A Grizzled Prospector Day: 24
- Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day: 26
- National Kazoo Day: 28 HERE’S ONE MORE THING TO HUM ON.
- Inane Answering Message Day: 30
- Appreciate Your Social Security Check Day: 31
That’s it for today. You now know way more about January observances than you’ve ever wanted. I deeply apologize but I feel these days must be recognized and celebrated because our politicians say so. NOT!!!
After having a couple of weeks of beautiful sunny and moderately warm weather, the fun is apparently over. These last few days have brought winter back to us with a freaking vengeance. It started two days ago with just four or five inches of snow which living in Maine isn’t all that much. Then came the freezing rain which put down a sheet of ice on top of the snow. Then it decided to just rain for a while to make things even worse.
I was so thrilled to be able to pay some much needed attention to my poor lonely snowblower. Everything was fine until the cold air arrived from somewhere near the arctic circle. For the last twenty-four hours the temperature continued to drop with wind chills ending up well below zero. They say, those dumb ass weather people, that it will continue for another day and will warm up just in time for the first of two snowstorms working their way towards us. Hooray for me! Couple that with my soon to be experienced colonoscopy and 2015 is already not my most favorite year. I could say it’s becoming a real pain in the ass but that pun’s even too corny for the likes of me.
Since all of the snow, sleet and rain have eliminated any possibility of my starting a forest fire I made the decision to clean out my workshop and to have a cute little bonfire to get rid of the wood scraps. I figured even this stupid town we live in wouldn’t attempt to arrest me for failing to obtain a burning permit. That’s just another one of those small fine-print freedoms we’ve lost somewhere along the way. The job was done and the fire was very satisfying for some unknown reason, maybe because I got one over on the town government. Now I can start my bathroom remodel and have enough room left in the workshop to actually do it.
‘’Early Spring Cleaning’
‘Burn Baby Burn’
As I mentioned a week ago my better-half and I decided that we’d make further use of the former Christmas tree throughout this entire new year. We put Christmas to bed this week and packed away all of the decorations for another year. We’ve been slowly collecting appropriate decorations for the next celebration which is the Super Bowl. Unfortunately the Steelers (our favorite team) have been eliminated from the playoffs this year but they’ll be properly honored on our Super Bowl tree. After that’s over we can then plan our decoration of the Valentine’s Day tree.
I’ll be supplying photos of these trees as they happen and yes I know it sounds a little crazy. I’ve always been a big fan of crazy especially outside-the-box crazy. It’s time to turn this year around after a suspiciously sucky start.
With New Year’s approaching I’ve begun to think about my resolutions for 2015. In preparation for the new list it only makes sense to review last year’s resolutions. It might be necessary to use a few of them that I failed to live up to again this year.
2014
-
Read five books a month. COMPLETED
-
Teach the grandson one curse word per month once he begins talking. He still isn’t talking enough to complete this one. FAILURE
-
Keep the number of F-bombs below 100 a week. COMPLETED
-
Drink less brandy than last year but more than next year. COMPLETED
-
Spend less than $300.00 at Dunkin Donut for the entire year ($25.00 per month). . . . as of 12/28/2014 $391.32. BIG FAILURE
-
Stop dancing naked near the picture window in the living room, it scares the neighbors. I managed to stop the dancing but not being naked seems impossible for me. FAILURE
-
Fight to my last breath to keep chickens and goats from becoming part of my life. COMPLETED
Four completed out of seven seems pretty good to me but I need to improve that next year. I’d really like just once to complete all of them but I always seem to get sidetracked with other stuff. I may need a few easy ones for 2015 that won’t require me to work so hard. With that thought in mind here is my new list.
-
I vow to exercise for forty-one minutes every other day for the entire year.
-
I vow to call President Obama nasty names only during months with an "R" in them.
-
I further vow to never say anything good about President Obama in months without an "R".
-
I vow to never blurt out any F-Bombs in front of the grandson now that he has started repeating damn near everything.
-
I vow to say many more F-Bombs around those people (except the grandson) who irritate, annoy or piss me off.
-
I vow to stop flirting with just anyone. There are times when I feel like such a slut and that’s not always a good thing for my self esteem.
-
For the third year in a row I vow not to prance naked anywhere near the front picture window. It creeps out the neighbors and one or two of our regular joggers.
-
I also vow not to screw with my cat as much this year due to his advanced age and sharp claws.
-
I vow to take at least 500 really good photographs a month.
I’ll do my first review of these new resolutions sometime in June. Hopefully I’ll be on track to complete every one for the first time. As always the road to hell really is paved with good intentions.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
It’s taken me some time to read through all of the changes I’ve made on the review of my list of “100 Things I Hate” compiled five years ago. It became obvious early on that my opinions on some things had drastically changed. I initially made the list as a tongue-in-cheek exercise but as it progressed I became more and more serious about the items I was adding. The following 64 items are those that survived the review and I still hate them all. If I indicated even a fifty percent improvement on any item it was removed from this list because if you truly hate something it should be all or nothing. Here’s what’s left.
#1 Rosie O’Donnell
#2 Dirty Fingernails
#3 Criminals
#4 Funerals
#5 Backward Baseball Caps
#6 Large Groups of People
#7 Old Gum Under Tables
#8 Penis Tattooing
#9 Dumb Cashiers
#10 Stinky Feet
#11 Decomposition
#12 Bugs Crawling On Me
#13 Terrorists
#14 Overweight Pets
#15 Know-It-All’s
#16 Hospitals
#17 Oprah Winfrey
#18 Will Ferrell
#19 The Smell of Urine
#20 Corpse’s
#21 Political Correctness
#22 Drug Users
#23 Clowns
#24 Corns
#25 Organic Food
#26 Liars
#27 Ear Hair
#28 Organic Food
#29 Dirty Toilets
#30 Stinky Cheese
#31 Opossums
#32 Extra Toes
#33 Nose Hair
#34 Vegans
#35 Fake Boobs
#36 Ass Kissers aka Brown-Noser’s
#37 Autopsy’s
#38 Stinky Breath
#39 Illegal Aliens
#40 Democrats
#41 Wet Farts
#42 Feet Calluses
#43 Performing Artists
#44 Ugly or Fugly Feet
#45 Sean Penn
#46 Road Kill
#47 Belly Button Lint
#48 Arrogant People
#49 Noisy Radios
#50 The French
#51 Gerbils
#52 Road Tolls
#53 Hairy Nipples
#54 Yellow Nail Polish
#55 Crowded Elevators
#56 Baby Pageants
#57 Pot Holes
#58 Screaming Brats
#59 Texting While Driving
#60 Saggy Pants
#61 Penis Caught In Zipper
#62 Tailgater’s
#63 Stinky Arm Pits
#64 Ex-Wives
The list has been read and reread a a dozen times and is is my final version for 2014. It’s nice to see how much I’ve changed in just five years. A 35% reduction in hated items seems huge to me and I plan on another review at this time next year. I’m sure to make reductions then and probably will have a number of new items to add which will have aggravated me in 2015. With that thought in mind I’ll add this following item to the list and truthfully it should have been included on the last one as well:
#65 Anything in Moderation
It just had to be said.
I’m glad to announce this is the final installment of my list of the 100 Things I Once Hated. It’s been an interesting process for me but I doubt if it’s been all that interesting for you. I’ll get into that thought in more detail in my next posting where I evaluate the results in more detail. Lets get going . . .
* * *
#86 Crowded Elevators – If you’re the least bit claustrophobic you’ll understand this item. Without extensive therapy this could never change and I’m positive it will never change because there will be no extensive therapy. No improvement.
#87 Gossips – Everyone gossips at some point in their life and I have no problem with the little unimportant bits of nonsense people chat about. It’s the malicious gossiping that’s burned me a few times in the past. 50% improvement.
#88 Baby Pageants – How these things are permitted by law puzzles me. Under any other circumstances if you dress up a little girl to look like an adult and parade her around in front of a group of other adults you could get some jail. No improvement at all.
#89 Pot Holes – These damn things have cost me hundreds of dollars over the years in repairs to many of my vehicles. I’m still waiting for any offer from ten or so municipalities to repay me for the damage caused by their unrepaired roads. It’s a good thing I’m not holding my breath on that one. No improvement.
#90 Screaming Brats – Being a former screaming brat myself I have great insight into this issue. Whether in a store, a bus, a street corner, or anywhere else, I can’t stand them. No improvement.
#91 Texting While Driving – You might think I’d be a little lenient towards people who text while driving since the woman who smashed into my car while I was sitting at a stop sign was responsible for me buying my first digital camera. It was the money left over after all the damages to my vehicle were fixed. No improvement.
#92 Saggy Pants – This item is right up there with backward baseball caps and underwear sticking out over your jeans. Idiotic, moronic, and ridiculous. No improvement.
#93 Warts – I’ve had one or two of these over the years and they are an annoyance more than anything. Genital warts are another story completely but luckily I haven’t had them and I hope I never do. 50% improvement.
#94 Granny Panties – Just thinking about these makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little. They should be outlawed by the courts with mandatory caning on a bare ass as punishment. I’m not hating them any longer but OMFG who in their right mind likes them? 50% improvement.
#95 Penis Caught In Zipper – Every guy that just read this sentence cringed a little. This is some of the worst pain a man can suffer not even taking into account the accompanying embarrassment. No improvement.
#96 Multiple Chins – And I’m not referring to those famous Chinese Chins mentioned in some jokes. Thank God for plastic surgery but unfortunately not everyone can afford it. I guess it’s not really hate I feel but sympathy. 100% improvement.
#97 Tailgater’s – This applies not to football game tailgaters but to drivers. When I was a cop I loved issuing citations for this violation and that’s when I learned what job satisfaction was really all about. No improvement.
#98 Stinky Arm Pits – This item should be grouped with B.O. and bad breath. I hate them all individually and I especially hate those people who sport all three. No improvement.
#99 Nosy People – The fact that most nosy people are almost always the first ones to gossip makes it even worse. I really don’t hate nosy people who gossip because it’s great fun to feed them made-up facts or untrue information and then to sit back and watch the fun. 50% improvement.
#100 Ex-Wives – No further explanations should be needed here. Ask any divorced person about their exes and you’ll get the same answer. No improvement.
* * *
There you have it. As you can see there have been many changes in how I feel about things in just the last five years. Check back in two days to see my 2014 newly revised list of “Things I Really Did Hate” in my next posting.
By the way – FOUR SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
This morning I was awake and drinking my first cup of coffee at 4:30am and trying to decide whether to watch an hour of NASA TV or to wade through an hour of quantum mechanics on NOVA. I have a real interest in all things space and science and NASA is doing such incredible work in so many areas it’s difficult to keep up. Anything is better than being inundated with the worst part of the Christmas season . . . effing emails.
Even quantum mechanics and the use of cold temperatures to produce a new generation of super conductors is better than dealing with those emails. Believe me when I say I barely understand some of the concepts but anything that will block out this constant drumbeat and commercialization of Christmas is a welcome change.
I look out the window and see rain. The snow has come and gone and things are drab. It doesn’t feel the least bit like Christmas for some reason and I’m finding myself disappointed. Christmas music is not something I’d want to spend a lot of time listening to but a little of it is fine. This year I see a marked reduction in the seasonal music and the general feeling of Christmas. I wish I could be paid a dollar for every email I’ve received in the last eight weeks related specifically to BUY BUY BUY. That in itself is seriously depressing.
The two biggest offenders are Best Buy and Tiger Direct. Tiger Direct is an on-line retailer for electronics and was where the old Circuit City company came to die. I’m receiving upwards of five to ten emails a day from them and I’m very close to unsubscribing from them forever. It’s become something akin to cyber stalking or just plain harassment. There are other offenders as well and I’m averaging a minimum of 25-30 emails a day. They’ve effectively sucked the life of Christmas for me this year. I would like to thank Amazon, one of the biggest retailers in history, who care enough about their customers to leave them the hell alone.
I’m hoping that on Christmas Day I’ll see that light of Christmas spirit in the eyes of our grandson who is the perfect age to really enjoy it. I think next year my approach to the season will be very different. My birthday falls in August which is when I foresee the Christmas barrage beginning. That will be the time that I unsubscribe to every on-line retailer on my email contact list which hopefully will remove 90% of these irritating and annoying emails. I’m also considering setting up a new email account that I’ll supply to any retailer I make on-line purchases from. That account will then collect all of these annoying emails but will have no direct contact to me in anyway. I can just go about my life with the knowledge that at some future date the company supplying me with that mailbox will erase them all.
With five shopping days left I’m anticipating a deluge of last minute emails trying to coerce me into spending more and more money. To all of them I wish a very Merry Christmas and a big KMA. That’s "Kiss My Ass" for those of you not familiar with this blog.
KMA
everyuselessthing.com 