Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category
I’m one of those boring people who feels the need to constantly examine my life. I look at my past and judge myself, I look at my present and judge myself, and finally I look at my possible futures and judge that too. Also if I’m given the opportunity I’ll judge you as well. So not only am I a borderline addictive personality I’m a bit judgmental.
I’ve always suspected I had issues with addiction but never tried to delve into the why’s and wherefores until now. My list of addictions is long and began back when I was just an newborn infant. Here’s my list from my formative years in no particular order of importance:
Breathing
Breasts
Breast milk
Diapers
I was able to finally work through those minor addictions without the assistance of an expensive rehab program. I was well on my way to puberty where my list began to grow and become more interesting.
Breasts
Legs
Butts
Pornography
Sex
Puberty not only changed me physically but also intellectually. I understood at age thirteen that these addictions unlike my toddler list would likely become permanent. And guess what? I was somewhat correct. I resigned myself to learning to live with my addictions and to make the best of them. It was a dirty job but I stepped up and made the required personality adjustments to deal with them.
My teen years were interesting and a little frightening. My list again changed but was still manageable:
Sex
Breasts
Legs
French Blondes
Cigarettes
Beer
Pornography
College brought more changes and not all of them good. As the list increased so did my stress levels as you can plainly see:
Sex
Oral Sex
Brunettes
Blondes
Red Heads
Breasts
Beer
Whiskey
Marijuana
Wine
I learned a lot in those years but realized my life was in a rut so I dropped out of college and enlisted in the Army one step ahead of the draft board. This began another long, interesting, and scary adventure. Once more my list expanded a bit:
Sex
Oral sex
Oriental Women
Black Hair
Whiskey
Coffee
Cigarettes
Beer
Marijuana
Speed
Adrenaline
Wine
I returned home a few years later, much wiser and a much less addicted person. I was able to rid myself of many of my stupid addictions over the next two decades. Here are the final results after many years of really hard work:
Any Sex
Breasts
Coffee
Reading
Photography
Computers
Chocolate
Wine
Exercise
As you can see most of the exciting addictions in my life have slowly faded away. They were fun while they lasted but were discarded when they became dangerous or harmful. I’m now a much wiser and more boring person and I have to admit as I sit here quietly judging myself, I miss some of them a lot.
My list is certainly smaller but less dangerous and easily managed now. I expect this final list will remain with me forever.
The only addiction that stayed with me from infancy to the present day are “Breasts”. There’s no rehab programs to help me deal with them and I’m pretty happy about that. So thanks again Mom for the one lifelong addiction I’ve enjoyed the most and will continue to enjoy until the lid slams shut. I’d love to see the 12 step program for that addiction.
I know one thing for sure, I’d never miss a meeting.
Have you gotten your flu shot yet? For the last month I’ve been receiving emails from damn near everyone reminding me to do so. OMFG . . . every year it’s the same damn thing. It seems everyone on this planet knows how to keep me healthy better than I do. Up until three years ago I’d never had a flu shot but finally gave into all of the pressure from friends, family, insurance companies, and doctors.
Four years ago I came down with a wicked case of the flu that actually was so bad I thought I was going to die. Since fear is the ultimate motivator for us poor humans I decided to finally give in and get flu shots on a regular basis.
I understand how the shots are supposed to work but as with all things I’ve become somewhat skeptical. I have very low expectations of most people because they insist on telling me things that forward their agendas instead of my own. People say I’m too cynical, skeptical, and pragmatic but after years of experience I’ve found myself correct more often than not.
I made my way to Rite-Aid a few weeks ago with a note from my insurance carrier and a pat on the head from Medicare. The process was simple, straight forward, and before I knew it I was in, inoculated, and done. Then I sat down and began to peruse the pile of paperwork they handed me. A rather nice young lady took some of her valuable time to tell me about some of the possible symptoms I could expect. First, within 48 hours my arm would be a sore and might stiffen up a little. In a week after that I would likely have issues with headaches and possibly a minor fever. I thought for a minute that I was flashing back on one of those hundreds of TV drug commercials we’re bombarded with. I sat patiently waiting for her to include anal leakage as one of my symptoms but she never did . . . thank God.
It’s now two weeks later and I’m going through my list of symptoms right on schedule. I had the required sore arm for a few days which was annoying but not too terrible. I could still pick my nose but it hurt a little. The arm remained sore for almost a week until the headaches kicked in. The arm still hurt but I was more concerned about the headache that was threatening to blow the top of my head off. I’ve never been prone to headaches or migraines but this had to be something very similar. I spent my days popping dozens of Tylenol and was still unable to sit quietly to read a book. I won’t even get into the side effects from taking all of those damn Tylenol. All I could think about was how lucky I was to have so many smart people convincing me to get that damn flu shot.
Next the low grade fever arrived right on schedule. It’s been sapping my strength for the last week but finally seems to be easing up some. So for more than three weeks now I’ve had what I’m told is a mild case of the flu. My last serious bout with the flu lasted only a week but so far this alleged mild version has hung in there for three weeks.
I’m beginning to believe that the cure is actually as bad if not worse than the disease. Thanks to everyone who convinced (conned) me to get that effing shot. All I really want to know now is who do I contact later in the Fall when I actually get the real flu. I have a strong cynical feeling that may occur as well.
It’s funny but I’m also sure if I do actually get the flu all of those alleged experts who strong-armed me into this flu shot will be missing in action. They’ll return next year in larger numbers to again frighten and strong-arm many of us once again.
LONG LIVE THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM
My Summer ending activities continue apace. The garden was composted a few days ago and has finally been tilled to await planting in the Spring. I‘m officially done with the garden which will happily require no more labor from me. These final photos will end the year once and for all as far as the garden is concerned.
These next two photos are the final surviving flowers on the property that haven’t been killed off by the cold nights. They won’t last much more than another week so enjoy them.
This sunflower looks a lot like I felt this morning as I rolled out of bed. Able to stand upright but just barely.
Now I can move forward with other projects and chores I’ve been given by my better-half. Her list never seems to end no matter how hard I try. My father warned me this would eventually happen but I wasn’t a believer until it was too late.
I was able to get around to working on my Dish Network Memorial table once again. I knew grouting a bunch of bottle caps would be difficult but it was more like a nightmare. The table was grouted and so was I. I had damn near as much white grout on me as was on the table. Thank god it’s done. I’ll let it dry for a few days and then seal the grout.
‘Step 1’
‘Step 2’
‘Step 3’
The table will be completed right on schedule for my better-half’s birthday celebration that’s coming up soon. She likes me a little and she likes beer a lot so she should love this table.
As you can see I’m feeling a bit Mexican today. Living in Maine has it’s advantages and I’ve listed them many times before. Unfortunately for those of us who love Mexican food the restaurants in Maine have always left us unsatisfied. Most of the current restaurants that claim to serve Mexican food insist on Americanizing it by cutting back on the heat. The result is a food that’s pretty to look at but has no zing. You know it’s a bad thing when you’re required to sneak in with a bottle of hot sauce to get the heat to a proper Mexican level.
We’ve been visiting on a semi-regular basis a restaurant that’s only been around a couple of years. The food has gotten progressively better as time has gone on which makes us very happy. I’ve eaten good old down home Mexican food in small restaurants along the border in Texas and this place could be one of them.
Yesterday we wanted to enjoy a beautiful Fall day and while we were out we stopped at Casa Fiesta for lunch. I was jonesing for some hot Mexican food and that’s exactly what we got. First they delivered the always delicious nachos and salsa while we waited for our meal. I consider myself a salsa aficionado and make three or four versions of my own on a regular basis. This was without a doubt the best restaurant salsa I’ve had in many years. Super hot and super flavorful.
We went through two baskets of nachos and two bowls of salsa. I could have eaten even more but I was forced to stop so I had room for the entre. I wanted a red wine with the meal and they offered a nice selection. I settled on a delicious Agua De Piedra from Argentina. It was smooth and sweet and was perfect for the meal. I’m not going to bore you with a lot of information that the wine snobs love so much like finish, color, oakiness, and all of that nonsense. I like wine and make a lot of my own. For me there are only three types of wine; Good, Bad, and So-S0. All of that other stuff has no meaning for me. If it tastes good . . . buy it. If it tastes Bad or So-So . . . don’t buy it. Easy peasy.
The meal arrived at the perfect time and was delicious. I feasted on mushroom quesadillas while my better-half had a steak fajita taco salad. Does this look good or what?
I was full of excellent food and wine and my head was sweating like I had hoped it would be. What more could I ask for. We left for home fat, dumb, and extremely happy.
Just so you know my burning mouth stayed with me all the way home. Perfect!
On any given day I’m never sure what’ll happen around here but today even surprised me a little. I was minding my own business and enjoying my life until I found a corpse in my driveway. I make it a point to be aware of what goes on around my residence by checking things regularly every day. I was able to determine the time of death based on my last patrol of the property and let me tell you that corpse was fresh.
With my investigative background it took only a quick glance to determine that this death was not accidental. . . . it appeared to be murder. I could plainly see the blunt force trauma to the head and several deep puncture marks along the side of the body. It wasn’t pretty.
‘Deadly head trauma to be sure.’
I closely searched the surrounding area looking for obvious clues but found nothing. This investigation really couldn’t be all that thorough because I no longer have access to the appropriate forensic equipment except for latex gloves and a big, old magnifying glass I found in a drawer.
In recent weeks there’ve been reports of suspicious behavior by a gang of delinquents (coyotes) roaming around the neighborhood after dark and wreaking havoc throughout the area. It’s resulted in the loss of a number of household pets and those guys are persons of interest.
‘He never had a prayer.’
There was no way to identify the body so we’ll just call him Mickey Doe. He had brown hair and a large unruly mustache. I was able to get a couple of photos of the body but they added very little to the investigation. As you can see this will be a difficult case to solve and I expect it will go cold rather quickly.
‘Some serious bite marks.’
My main suspect lives across the street and is often seen skulking around looking for trouble. He had motive and opportunity because I saw him just before finding the body as he was high-tailing it home to hide under the porch.
As of this report the case remains open. I was forced to remove the body from the driveway and reverently picked it up by the tail and tossed it into the woods. We have no refrigeration facilities here to store corpses.
Another sad and merciless loss of life here in Maine.
BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THIS GUY
FANGED AND DANGEROUS
With the season change looming and with a few days of rain expected, it’s time to get back to work on some of my side projects. One in particular needs immediate attention because I’m running out of time to have it done by November 14th. It’s a weird but special gift for my better-half the beer connoisseur. On top of being a beer expert she’s also a collector of sorts. Over the last twenty-five years she’s religiously saved bottle caps from every type of beer she’s ever tasted. We ended up with a garbage bag filled with hundreds of beer memories (bottle caps) but had no idea what to do with them.
It’s funny how things fall together at times. Just as I was cutting our ties with the Dish Network by removing their equipment from the side of our house, I had a revelation. I took the dish and all of it’s component parts, reconstructed them into a sort of interesting but weird side table.
As I was working on the table I looked over to the corner of the workshop and saw the bag of bottle caps. It was then I decided to use the colorful and interesting bottle caps to create a mosaic top for my Dish Network Memorial Table. What better gift for a beer connoisseur than a one-of-a-kind table for her to sit her beer on.
I used a floor-leveler compound to flatten out the dish interior a little and then got to work on the mosaic top. The wide range of bottle cap colors surprised me a bit but made the job much easier.
Two coats of high gloss paint will make it pretty and mounting it on a wooded base will keep it sturdy enough for everyday use. Then it’s adhesive, bottle cap placement, and a decorative grout. I’ll post my future progress (if I have any) and hopefully this thing will be finished in time for the birthday celebration.
With Summer slowly fading away our daily routine changes once again. The nights have been cold enough recently to require a little help from my electric blanket. I rolled over the other morning and found my cat snuggling up against me, something he almost never does unless his fur coat isn’t getting the job done. I touched his back and it was ice cold so I threw a blanket over the little dummy and went back to sleep. Another real indicator of Winter like caterpillars with extra thick fur.
I’m forever raving about how great I think Maine is but I’ve never shown any photographs of it’s main export. While I’m not a lobster lover my better-half is. We had a family cook-out yesterday with all the normal grilling food, burgers, dogs, sausages, and as extra added bonus . . . lobsters. As you can see these poor fellows look pretty contented in the first photo but not so much in the second. They are now just a memory but left my better-half, her daughter, and son-in-law with dribbles of melted butter on their chins and a smile on their faces.
‘Before’
‘After”
Our menial tasks continued this week with the canning of more pickles, the making of more zucchini bread, and the drying of more herbs. Over the next few days I’ll be harvesting and drying batches of tarragon, basil, parsley, and chives. I have so many damn chives growing everywhere it’s getting ridiculous. If I dry too many I’ll just have to package them up and give them to friends and family members.
I hope to begin removing plants from the garden next week. I have a lot of work ahead but would like to get it done as soon as possible. Once the plants are removed I can begin making a few changes to the garden. I’m expanding the rhubarb area because it’s growing so fast I can’t contain it. I’m also adding on two additional frames, one abutting each large frame, to help expand the sunflower areas. We both love having as many sunflowers as possible in the garden and the birds will be thrilled with all of the extra food. I thought it best to do this construction now rather than in the Spring.
Life in Maine continues.
I finally was able to motivate myself yesterday to begin the process of collecting and drying herbs from the garden. It’s one of the sadder things I have to do every year as Fall approaches. I’m forced to admit to that Winter is closing in on us and that my garden is beginning to fade away.
My better-half has been threatening to restart her daily regime of drinking healthy but unappetizing smoothies and wants some of the ingredients fresh from the garden. Today was kale day.
I started out with a trip to the garden and harvested two large baskets of freshly cut leaves. I then spent almost an hour cleaning and cutting the leaves and making sure no little critters were hanging around. We occasionally have slugs attacking some of the plants but I found only a few and they were disposed of (I hate slugs).
Then it was upstairs to wash the leaves, blanch them in boiling water, and then drop them into an ice bath. This kills any bacteria and gives the leaves a vibrant green color. Using a Salad Spinner I removed the excess water to prepare the leaves for dehydration.
I spread the leaves on a series of shelves and placed them into the dehydrator for four hours at 140 degrees.
‘In’
‘Out’
After the dehydration was complete I removed the leaves from the shelves and ground them into a fine powder with an herb grinder. Here’s the end result of all my efforts. Approximately 3/4 of a cup of clean and healthy smoothie ingredients. Drop a half teaspoon of the kale into any smoothie and you’re good to go.
‘Done’
I do have to admit I’m not a big fan of healthy smoothies. Give me a good old-fashioned, high calorie, sugar loaded, milkshake made with ice cream. You can bet I won’t be sprinkling kale on that.
‘Oh Yeah!’
With August in the rear view mirror, this week was a mix of this, that, and everything else. I was a little unfocused but that’s not all that unusual anyway. I spent part of the week back in the swamps looking for those illusive little dragonflies that were as always, illusive. A few dozen mosquito bites and another overexposure to bug spray yielded very little.
There were more than a few in the area but they avoided getting anywhere near me. I’ll be trying again in a week or so after the next crop hatches. I have a few decent pictures but I need five or six more before the cold weather sets in.
I was wandering around my garage looking for something to do when I saw my former satellite dish lying in the corner. For more than four years that dish provided me with thousands of hours of television and cost me a few thousand dollars in fees and charges. With that much of an investment I just couldn’t discard that dish. The company told me they didn’t want it back so threw it in the corner which gave some time to think about it.
I take great pride in my ability to repurpose objects that have out lived their original usefulness, why not this stupid dish. I dismantled the old dish, took everything apart, and began the changeover from satellite dish to table.
There’s a lot more work to do including a nice, deep black, and high gloss paint job. Once it’s complete it will take it’s honored place among my other trophies as a game table in my man-cave. Thanks again Dish Network.
The crappy weather continues here in Maine giving me an overabundance of reading time. Recently I picked up a small book at a local church flea market for $.50 and as I began reading it I thought it would make an interesting discussion for the blog.
Half the fun of living your life is examining the hell out of it as you get older and hopefully smarter. I know I’ve second guessed virtually every decision I’ve ever made in my life. I always seem to have a better answer now than I had with the original decision. Things I thought as a teenager and in my early twenties sound so stupid now it’s a little scary.
This book’s all about difficult questions designed to make us think about ourselves and our decision making capabilities. There are no right or wrong answers but they will challenge your common sense and good=headedness.
I’ll list 10 questions with my own answers below. If you’re interested after that then take a few minutes and jot down your own answers. I recommend that you do it together with your partner, significant other, or spouse. I’m sure that regardless of the answers they’re sure to spark a few interesting discussions about your differences. Lets get started:
1. If you could spend one year of your life in perfect happiness but afterward would remember nothing of the experience would you do so? If not, why not?
a. I think I’d pass on this one. If I couldn’t remember the happiness then it never really happened and what’s the point.
2. If a new medicine were developed that would cure arthritis but cause a fatal reaction in 1% of those who took it, would you want it to be released to the public?
a. If I’ve done my math correctly that means that out of every million people treated, 10,000 would die. That’s insanity and a big no from me.
3. Would you accept $1,000,000 to leave the country and never set foot in it again?
a. That would be a big “Hell No”.
4. Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would live for 1,000 years at any physical age you chose?
a. No thank you. To me a thousand years of being terribly ugly would be worse than dying.
5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one ability or quality, what would it be?
a. I’d want the ability to speak and understand every language on earth.
6. Would you accept twenty years of extraordinary happiness and fulfillment if it meant you would die at the end of the period?
a. No thank you.
7. If the person you were engaged to marry had an accident and became a paraplegic, would you go through with the marriage or back out of it?
a. I must have loved that person very much or wouldn’t have wanted a marriage. It’s a commitment I’d honor completely.
8. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest?, as your close friend? , and as your lover?
a. Dinner Guest: Any wounded veteran; Close Friend: Bill Gates; Lover: Rachael Hendrix. The Close Friend and Lover could change at a moments notice because friends and lovers come and go. The Dinner Guest would remain the same permanently.
9. A good friend pulls off a well-conceived practical joke that plays on one of your foibles and makes you look ridiculous. How would you react?
a. I’d be a little embarrassed at first, laugh a little for a few minutes, and then begin planning some good old down-home REVENGE.
10. For $20,000 would you go for three months without washing, brushing your teeth, or using deodorant? Assume you could not explain your reasons to anyone.
a. No how, no way . . . . but I might reconsider it for $100,000.
BE AS TRUTHFUL AS POSSIBLE
