For years I’ve collected lists, sayings, and quotations. The more I find, the more you get to read. One of these days I’m going to sit down and put together some of my thoughts, my limericks, and my musings. They’re sure to be just as interesting as these folks. And in
It’s not death that alarms me, but dying surely does.
A diplomat is a person who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never her age.
In wine there is truth. Pliny the Elder
It’s not the men in my life I worry about, it’s the life in my men. Mae West
I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money. Will Rogers
Fish and guests smell in three days. Ben Franklin
A pessimist thinks all women are bad and an optimist hopes they are.
The ultimate rejection is when your hand falls asleep while masturbating.
Sex is only dirty, if it’s done right.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. Joseph Stalin
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I prefer an interesting device to a boring virtue.
What goes around, comes around.
He who hesitates is last. Mae West
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. Gloria Steinem
I am not young enough to know everything.
The zoo is a place of refuge were savage beasts are protected from people.
I found this list while digging around in some old boxes a few days ago. I eliminated a few that were dated like cheap shots at Bill Clinton. But those that remain I felt were worth sharing with you. Most of them I absolutely love especially those pearls of wisdom supplied by Mae West. Would’ve loved to have met her.
I really love spending time on the internet. The amount of information available for viewing is mind-boggling to say the least. I stumbled onto a website recently filled with information on the sexual habits of animals which told me way more than I ever wanted to know about how insects and slimy things have sex. It did make me think, what about people? What kind of strange, dumb, or interesting things could I find out about us?
I began a diligent search to collect well-known, little-known, and quite possibly unknown facts about human sexuality. The amount of that available information was even more incredible than what I was able to find on animals. I accumulated a list of some of the things I thought were truly interesting and not just bizarre and strange. I just thought it might be fun to spice things up a little on this blog and at the same time distribute a little sexual trivia you may not have heard before. Hold your applause it may not be as good as you’re thinking.
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During any given period, women who read romance novels have a tendency to have twice as many lovers as those who don’t.
-321 degrees Fahrenheit is the temperature at which sperm banks store donor semen. At this temperature, semen can be stored indefinitely,
In one hour, the average sperm can swim 7 in.
The testes increase in size by 50% when a man is sexually aroused.
Hetrosexual anal sex is something 43% of women have experienced.
During an average man’s lifetime, he will ejaculate approximately 17 liters of semen, which amounts to about half a trillion sperm.
It takes two tablespoons of blood to get the average man’s penis erect.
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
75% of Japanese women own a vibrator. The average worldwide is 47%.
22% of American women aged 20 gave birth while in their teens. In Switzerland and Japan, only 2% did so.
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Well there you have a collection of 10 sexual facts collected from here and there and everywhere. I have to admit I did learn a few things I didn’t previously know about our sexual proclivities and I guess that’s a good thing. I also know I would have been beheaded at age 11 if I’d been born in Indonesian. This was only a small portion of the facts I discovered. More to come . . .
I think it’s time for a serious rant about this wonderful but addictive society we’re all members of. For years we’ve been slowly retrained to believe that every bad thing we do isn’t our fault. It’s the fault of our parents, our teachers, our bad friends, and last but not least, because of our genetic predisposition for addiction. What it’s finally come down to in this country is the fact that we are not permitted to like anything too much.
When I was growing up we had addictions but in my opinion they were the real deal, drugs and alcohol. It wasn’t until the liberals and courts opened Pandora’s Box and decided that those addictions were really just serious medical conditions. That’s when our real problems began. Those terrible addictions were first declared a sickness, then an excuse for a disability check, and now it’s become the rationale for every bit of bad behavior you can think of. If you like candy too much, you’re addicted to candy. If you like scratching your ass, you’re labeled an addictive ass scratcher. It’s the current trend to label any activity someone likes a little too much as an addiction.
It’s not our fault that we drink too much, take illicit drugs, steal, murder, rape, and assault our children. We can’t help it, it’s a medical issue. We should never be prosecuted or jailed for our bad behavior, just cut us a government disability check because we’re addicted. We’ve become a society that just can’t or won’t deal with personal responsibility.
Government and courts are as responsible as anyone for this. You can commit heinous crimes against society but before you can be convicted you’re required to meet with lawyers, therapists, counselors, priests, nuns, and every once in a while an actual member of law enforcement. You can meet with law enforcement but the Miranda ruling forbids you from talking to them without an attorney present.
The nanny state has made it impossible to deter crime by consistently attempting to remove all of the tools available to law enforcement. If the liberals have their way they would abolish the death penalty and take away all rights from the citizenry to own and carry weapons for their own protection. That will put us all at the mercy of the criminal element who will be armed and dangerous and preying on us at will.
I could easily list three hundred addictions currently available for people to help them escape responsibility. I won’t list them all because most right-thinking people already know how big the list is and what’s on it.
I’ve had my own set of terribly dangerous addictions that I’m forced to deal with everyday. I love eating good food, drinking good wine, watching beautiful women, playing video games, and many others. I’m sure it won’t be long before I’ll also be able to collect a big fat disability check for these terrible addictions.
Maybe under the Biden Administration I can find the help that I obviously need. Maybe I should just turn myself in to the authorities before I’m forced by my medical conditions to commit a crime of some sort. Then I’ll be eligible for free therapy sessions (court-mandated) that will cost the taxpayers thousands of dollars. I’ll get a free court appointed attorney who’ll take me by the hand and lead me to the promised land of free money, free food, and freedom from prosecution due to my medical difficulties. Isn’t America wonderful? Land of the free, not hardly, and home of the brave, not hardly. The only bravery I see these days is from those citizens who’ve volunteered to serve their country by wearing the uniform of our military.
I’ve mentioned on many occasions about how my family and friends supply me with odd bits of information. It started decades ago and over the years I’ve read thousands of tidbits of information, sayings and quotations. When I found one that really grabbed me I’d write it down in my notebook. I’m going to list a number of them here today because I’m sure you’ll enjoy them. I don’t know the authors of many of these but that’s totally irrelevant. It’s the information that’s interesting, not so much the person who supplied it. I feel these sayings are worth repeating. Here they are…
Everyone lies about sex.
Religious men are fools!. Fools should be taken lightly.
The 10 best years of a woman’s life are between the ages of 29 and 30.
A parent is a little kid pretending to be a big kid so his little kid won’t be afraid.
Being involved with two women is like playing pool on two tables. You may have enough balls for it but you’ll wear out your stick.
When angry, count to 4; when very angry, swear.
A yawn is a silent shout.
The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom respectable.
There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings.
There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.
Chastity is curable if detected early.
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.
If Christian nations were nations of Christians, there would be no wars.
Colleges don’t make fools, they only develop them.
Common Sense could prevent most divorces and all marriages.
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Well there you have it. Today’s list of interesting and sometimes humorous thoughts and quotations. There will be more to come in the near future.
On most days I try terribly hard to keep this blog as PG as possible. However I’m occasionally forced to break that rule when I receive information like this. Be warned, I’ll be skimming the surface of an R rating today. If you’re naive, innocent, or virginal you might skip this posting altogether. I wouldn’t want to corrupt any of you or your children.
I’ve known a few women over the years who are impossible to forget. I’ve had gay female friends, prudish female friends, promiscuous female friends, and even cute and naive female friends. This posting concerns one young lady who is memorable because of her overriding obsession with oral sex. We dated for a time but I couldn’t keep up with her no matter how hard I tried (no pun intended). We went our separate ways until she sent me an e-mail recently with these rules attached. You’ve got to remember I haven’t seen or spoken to her in 26 years but it’s somehow comforting to know somethings never change. Here are her 12 rules.
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule number 1 – if you get one, be grateful.
3. No, I DON’T have to swallow.
4. My ears are NOT handles.
5. Having my period does not mean that it’s “HUMMER WEEK”. Get it through your head . . . I’m bloated and I feel like crap so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to service you just because we can’t have sex right now.
6. “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls; If you’re that desperate, go “rub one out” and leave me alone with my Midol.
7. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after we’re done is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior repeated any time in the future.
8. If you like how I do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that I’m good at it.
9. No, I don’t care about the protein content.
10. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
11. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get serviced often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or to brag.
12. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up doesn’t mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.
I really hope this was sent to me as a tongue-in-cheek bit of humor but even now it’s hard for me to tell with this lady. It brought a smile to my face and made me laugh out loud which is always a great way to start my day. She was never too shy back in the day and it appears she hasn’t changed a lick (no pun intended).
This has been a rather hectic month for me and mine which hasn’t really happened too often since the Pandemic reared its ugly head so many months ago. With the Delta Variant coming into it’s own it appears that masks will be coming back as a fashion statement once again. It just seems that this virus and it’s many faces refuses to fade away. I guess it’ll be here to stay for much longer than we all anticipated. Fortunately for me there isn’t anything I did before that I can’t do now with a mask on.
This will have to do!
Being a senior citizen makes looking back at my life a little nostalgic at times. I wonder what my sex life might have been all those years ago if I’d been forced to comply with the restrictions that the pandemic requires. I feel really bad for the young and sexually active today. It would be well neigh impossible to maintain a reasonable love life if a six foot separation is mandated as well as the ever so attractive masks. It will take a very inventive person or couple to take the steps necessary to have sex and still comply with all the pandemic safeguards.
My Place or Yours?
Truthfully, I’m being sarcastic and a bit facetious as I hope you realize. There isn’t any pandemic that I could think of that will slow anyone down who has sex on his/her mind. For years we couldn’t get people (men) to regularly wear condoms to prevent pregnancies. Then the HIV/AIDS epidemic struck and condoms immediately became the norm rather than just a circular indentation on the back of a wallet. If AIDS didn’t slow everyone down who cares about silly old Covid-19. Where there’s a will there’s always a way.
Where are all the up and coming entrepreneurs when you need them. How about a one size fits all body condom. Maybe a mask with an adjustable opening allowing for the occasional French kiss. We need to find the next Steve Jobs to help us get the ball rolling on some ingenious new devices to assist our lovemaking efforts during these trying times. He could start his own new company and become a zillionaire overnight selling pandemic related sexual devices. He could call the company, CHERRY, just to give Apple something to worry about.
Just a thought or two while I’m sitting here on the deck relaxing. Now it’s time for a Jack and Pepsi to keep my creative juices flowing.
I mentioned in a previous post that I was looking forward to a few days vacation while my better-half was babysitting at her daughter’s home. It’s coming to an end today and while I’ve missed her terribly my sleep has been much improved. I actually slept for a full eight hours last night for the first time in months. Add that together with a large bed, a beautiful ceiling fan, and my naked butt . . . it was glorious.
This is sleeping OMFG naked.
I take a look of heat from my better-half because I insist on sleeping naked. Since leaving home at age eighteen and except for two years in the Army this is my preferred method of sleeping. I’m confused as to why so many people roll their eyes when I tell them that. Are they prudes? Are they religiously offended? Who knows. One thing for sure I will defended myself vigorously if someone decides to ridicule me.
I first have to determine exactly where they’re coming from before I retaliate. Do they object to the word NAKED or the fact that I’m really bare assed naked in bed. I like for critics to be specific to avoid confusing me because there is a term that’s overused in some areas of the country that is similar but has a totally different meaning. That word is NEKID! Sleeping nekid means something very different than sleeping naked. Being nekid means there won’t be much sleeping going on and the nekid person is there to take care of business (if you get my drift).
Who knew Harry and Draco slept nekid?
Upon her return to our bed tonight I will greet her very, very naked with serious thoughts of becoming nekid at some point. For you critics out there don’t be afraid to think outside-the-box (no pun intended) for a change. You won’t regret it.
It’s another gray and rainy day here in Maine. While I dislike these kinds of days they do serve a useful purpose. They force me to stay inside out of the weather and to find other interesting things to do. One thing that remains interesting regardless of the weather is SEX. Sex is almost never boring (unless you know the girls from my high school class) who made sex not just boring but difficult to obtain. It’s with them in mind that I offer up a collection of sexual facts and trivia to amuse you. Let’s get started . . .
The condom is said to be named after the Earl of Condom, a British physician at the court of Charles II who was asked by the king to design him something to keep him from developing syphilis. The oiled sheep intestine was a big hit.
Humans aren’t the only species that partake in oral sex; cheetahs, hyenas, and goats all go down too.
In 2000, the Mississippi state legislature introduced a bill to make it illegal for a male customer to have an erection at a strip club even if he is fully dressed.
The sperm of a mouse is longer than the sperm of an elephant.
Slang for “prostitute” in Victorian times was “blowsy” and slang for “ejaculation” was “blow,” leading to the current phrase “blow job.” In ancient Greece, a blow job was called “playing the flute.”
Oiled sheep intestines . . . YUCK. I’ll bet the donating sheep weren’t too happy either.
Of all the primates, man has the largest penis. The gorilla has a two-inch penis, while the chimpanzee’s is three inches. The blue whale has the largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet.
In 2003, a Texas man woke up from bladder surgery to discover that doctors had removed his penis without his permission.
For most men, the left testicle hangs lower—but in some men, most commonly left-handed men, the right one hangs lower.
Married people are more likely to masturbate than people living alone, according to the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS).
President Lyndon B. Johnson referred to his penis as “Jumbo.”
He may have been President but even “Jumbo” Johnson can’t hold a candle to that blue whale’s eleven foot penis.
‘Head to Toe’
Exhaustive research published by Johnson & Johnson found that the average time between penetration and male orgasm is 7.3 minutes – this involved 1,587 couples having stopwatch-timed sex.
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
When men of Australia’s Walibri tribe greet each other, they shake penises instead of hands.
Upper Paleolithic art dating back 30,000 years depicts people using dildos to pleasure themselves and others. That means mankind invented sex toys long before the wheel.
The average number of times a healthy male will ejaculate in a lifetime is 7,200. Of this number, approximately 2,000 times will result from masturbation.
Thirty thousand year old dildoes. No wonder the women of that time are pictured with huge muscular arms . . . no batteries available . . . So Sad!
A teaspoon of semen contains 5 calories. A sperm takes one hour to swim seven inches.
Men do not need to be sexually aroused to have an erection. Erections can occur if a man is frightened, nervous, or has a full bladder. It’s normal for a man to have several erections during the dream phrase of sleep.
Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy receiving and giving oral sex.
The average man has 11 erections per day and 9 erections a night.
And here’s an interesting theory on everyone’s favorite word. The big F-Bomb. It’s been around almost as long as those thirty thousand year old dildoes.
Contrary to popular opinion, the word “fuck” is not an acronym for the phrase “Fornication Under Command of the King.” It is a very old word that is hard to trace because the editors of the initial Oxford English Dictionary considered the word taboo in 1893. It may have a Scandinavian origin, similar to the Norwegian word fukka, meaning to “copulate,” or the Swedish foka, meaning “to copulate, strike, push,” orfock, meaning “penis.”
I thought that since today is once again cold and sunny I should dig into my trivia library for some interesting facts rather than going out to brave the weather. I might even find a few that aren’t so interesting but as always you can be the judge of that. These are items primarily related to cemeteries and funerals. I may be forced to throw in a few off-color limericks as well. Let’s get started.
Here’s an entry I’m adding just for my beer drinking better-half.
A headstone in a cemetery at Saint Kilda, Victoria, Australia, depicts a hand holding a jug of beer. The headstone was the result of a threat often made by the widow to her thirsty husband.
This item amazes me. I can’t begin to understand the level of dedication this involves.
In Nara, Japan, a lantern in the tomb of a Buddhist priest, Kyobo Daishi, in the monastery of Koya San has been burning continuously for 1126 years.
This one I can appreciate somewhat. The woman was truly dedicated to her profession, regardless of the consequences.
The epitaph of the late Shirley Pitts of London, England, dubbed the “Queen of Shoplifters” reads, “Gone Shopping”.
Everyone loves a good “Love” story and here’s a beauty.
“Husband: I anxiously awaiting you, 1827.” “Wife: Here I am, 1867 – Gravestones in a Paris, France cemetery.
Here are two entries concerning two stubborn fools.
“Here stands old Britt Bailey” – Epitaph to James Britton Bailey, who was buried standing up because he refused to look up to any man.
A tombstone in Weather Hill, New England, reads: “Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor, who lived and died without a doctor.”
Here are a few rather interesting approaches.
A tombstone in a cemetery in Medway, Massachusetts, reads, “Beneath this stone, this lump of clay, lies Uncle Peter Daniels, who too early in the month of May, took off his winter flannels.”
“Here lies the father of twenty-nine, He would have had more but he didn’t have time.” – Gravestone in Moultrie, Georgia.
A gravestone near Uniontown, Pennsylvania: “Her lies the body of Jonathon Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake.”
“Owen Moore Is gone away, Owen’ more than he could pay.” – Epitaph in Surrey, England.
And finally a proper send off for an attorney.
The tombstone of an attorney in Willwood cemetery, Rockford, Illinois: “Goembel, John E. 1867-1946: The defense rests.”
Now for a couple of art related limericks.
For a sculpture that’s really first class,
You need form, composition, and mass;
To do a good Venus,
Just leave off the penis,
And concentrate more on the ass!
A lascivious lecher, called Fletcher,
Was also a talented sketcher.
Of ladies (quite nude)
He invariably screwed,
But did they enjoy it? You betcha!
I think that’s enough silliness for today. Look for more limericks in the future because I recently stumbled upon quite the collection, most from the British Isles. They have an excellent approach to raunchiness that I really admire.
Today is the day every year that I remember good old Julius Caesar. The Ides of March will forever be known as an evil day thanks to him and all of his so-called friends. Stabbed twenty-three times upon arriving at his work place at the Curia he was left to die alone on the sidewalk. It just goes to show how far we’ve come as a society because these days we’ve made some major improvements on how to murder someone. If Caesar was to be murdered today it would be by two hooded gentlemen driving by in a mini-Fiat firing a couple of Tech-9’s at him. He’d still be just as dead but it would have been done so much quicker and efficiently. So for today “All Hail Caesar”.
Now let’s move onto something almost as interesting as a dead guy. SEX! I’ve been on a roll in recent weeks with trivia postings because I love trivial facts. I also love sex so it only seems right that I offer up some sex related information. Here goes nothing.
The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.
Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.
Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.
Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.
Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.
It’s no wonder I’ve been addicted to chocolate my entire life. Instead of foreplay just gobble down a handful of M&M’s and get busy. Also I will verify that feet can be sexually arousing. I’ve been a foot lover since day one and damn proud of it. And last but not least to both men and women I say “Hooray for Oral Sex” and “Boo!” to crocodile dung and honey. Yuck!
The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).
Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.
On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.
Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).
I think about sex every seven seconds? I might have to disagree with that fact. I think it’s way more often that that. Ask any guy! If I recall my basic facts on weight loss it takes a reduction of approximately 2000 calories to lose a pound of weight. If that’s true then having intercourse ten times would also work. I’m sure you could lose a lot of weight doing it that way but you might miss a few days of work here and there.
Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.
Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.
One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.
Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.
Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.
Group sex appears more popular than I thought. The masturbation numbers were surprising. I thought you women out there were keeping up but I guess I was mistaken. Shame on all of you, so get to work ladies.
This is my favorite tidbit and could possibly explain my obsession with wine. After I drink enough of a favorite Chardonnay my behavioral responses can get pretty interesting. Especially if I eat a huge chunk of chocolate along with it. LOOK OUT!
Both men and women can be turned on by the aromas of wine. The scents of many wines are believed to replicate human pheromones, the chemical substances that cause behavioral responses in humans.
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